This is my last semester with everybody, the day I have been waiting all my life.
Definitely not as happy as I thought it would be. Bitter-sweet about the whole feeling.
Frankly, making this decision has always been the toughest and most isolated choice I ever made in life.
It entails a journey of loneliness and it takes a lot of will power and determination to come so far.
I am not smart or exceptionally intelligent. Coupled with lazy bones, pulling through is no easy feat.
Although how I made thus far is a mystery of its own, I am thankful for all the support.
For me, this is the last lap. Like always, I seemingly fight alongside you all in a separate battle of my own.
Really, how many people knows what it is like?
Anyway, looking through the new schedule, I doubt accelerating is going to be a possible option for juniors who have exemptions.
But still, I thought it is a nice time to share with you my painful academic career in school.
It may seem rosy on the outside. But just because I don't cry and break down in front of you doesn't mean all is good and well.
Frankly, it is hard going for lessons alone.
It is even harder to grasp foreign concepts and my pride refuse to bow down to consultations. Obviously, this would take a toll on my grades. And if you know me well enough, I don't care. Haha, grades to me is secondary when it comes to my principles in life.
I have a lot of exams cramped together in a to-to train style. I don't like it. But I definitely take it in my stride than most of you. It started for me since year 1 sem 2. I don't remember complaining as much. Resignation to fate maybe?
I didn't really want my campus affected either. I do engage in CCAs to the best of my ability. And I did take part in your opinion weird and unhelpful addition curriculum. Yea, it increased my workload, drive me to the brink of insanity. But some opportunities don't come twice. Miss it and it doesn't come again.
And I advocate financial security, taking up to a maximum 5 students in a semester. And I don't buy tb.
I call this study minimally. It doesn't work people. I am showing you a negative example and a lousy role model.
How did I survive? I don't know. I was younger and had more energy maybe.
I am not going to say it is all due to good time management and a good balance of this and that. Because I am terrible in time management. If I had manage my time better, I would definitely not be stuck in such a precarious position.
Actually I never regretted the decision I made 2 years ago. But I do regret not working harder. And now I have to work even harder to make amends. Not the best thing for me, I do like to play more than study. But, I don't have a choice anymore. =(
Not many people have a second chance in life, and I am really fortunate to have a chance to start anew.
Kudo to those people who did really badly and could still bounce back. Now I know how hard it is to walk out of the "give up" mode.
I am not giving up but somehow I think my laziness ingrained refuse to give me a break.
I will try my best this sem to write the wrong.
And this time I hope to fight
for myself - rise from the ashes. that's what phoenix are made of.
for my dear friends - who will be nagging their lungs out this sem. I will be too ashamed to face you all if I don't bring home a decent report card.
for the kids who call me sister - they are making me feel guilty of being fortunate enough to have an education.
for my dad - who is the greatest supporter/ nagger that ever walked the surface of earth.
I wished I had a stronger will too. Deeply envious of people who can study without other people reminders.
Sigh. But born like this, live with it and make do with it.
Why don't you make things better if you can do so?
It is now time to ask myself this question.
From my voluntary trip, I did learn that grades isn't really everything.
But I did learn to appreciate the things I have now and that includes an education that promises me a future, which some people may not even have.
With a stroke of luck, we have so many birth rights which I myself have taken for granted not saying it's the same for everybody. I am generally an unappreciative person.
And so this will be the last post until my report card comes out.
See me in school?
Do remind me, have you studied yet?
Yea, I will give you a hateful look. But that is what friends are for, to survive through my bad behaviour. Trust me, it builds character in you. =) Patience for assholes is always a virtue. Lol!
